Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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