i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My pussy is not your playground.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize