every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
