we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
