Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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