u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
