Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
