grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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