12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
