Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
