dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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