Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
