you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
