I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
