Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
