WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
