Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
