I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
