"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ugly people sure do ruin things
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
