Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
