did you get engaged???
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
