Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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