i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
