She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
