I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize