I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
