I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
