i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
