I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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