this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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