turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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