spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
