He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
false alarm, still single
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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