i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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