You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
