is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
