6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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