I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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