your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
