i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
