I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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