He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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