If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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