i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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