There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
