i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
