I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
