Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize