Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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