Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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