don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
