he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
