just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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