So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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