I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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