I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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