I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
